My Garage Wish List

The Kia Carens we are soon to live
without pictured behind the bike
we get to keep. 

Today we did something that seems pretty crazy. It would have seemed unthinkable not all that long ago. We signed an agreement to trade our Kia Carens 2.0CRDi for a slightly younger Fiat Panda 1.1 eco somthingorother. Why? Because when it comes down to it, I couldn’t care less about cars. Unlike riding, driving’s fine, but not a pleasure. Taking my children on holiday is a pleasure. Driving is just necessary and expensive. However, the Panda will be a grand a year less than the Carens yet will do 95% of the work just as well. I know my friends will laugh. They already have. But honestly, I just don’t care about cars.

The thing is, if tomorrow we won say £10 million, on the lottery, there would be a considerable time before I went car shopping. I do have a list of motorbikes I would be hunting down though and this blog is that list. It comes under three headings;

• Nostalgia
• Just Want One
• Bikes to Use Regularly.

Here goes (I apologise for repeating some things I mentioned in a previous post).

The Nostalga List

The Honda CB100n. My first bike. Bought for a song, simple and characterful. It had things like contact breakers and tappets that needed adjusting with a spanner. I’d use it as well. Actually I’d probably buy two or three of them and a Haynes manual as it would be the only bike I would work on if I had plenty of money. Other than that I’d be paying Alan to come to my garage every week to adjust chains, pull in for servicing and so on. The CB100N would be for me to satisfy my urge to get tool out and mess things up.

The Kawasaki GT550 was my first big bike and I loved it. That would need to be the later model and in red. I imagine I’d want to ride that as well. Being a shaft drive, Alan probably wouldn’t need to do much with it between services though as it would only go out on clean dry roads.

The BMW K75RT. In memory of the URide trip, this would need to be 1992 with a missing side panel and non functioning speedometer. Actually, I’d probably just ask Dan if I could buy his, get in covered in dust from the West Virginia dirt roads (assuming he has now washed it) then have it sealed in box and shipped over. Warts and all that one. Ride it? Probably. Alan would be splitting it ever few thousand miles to check the clutch splines though.

Just Want One

I’ve always wanted a Classic British bike and as a fan of little bikes it would have to be a BSA Bantam. Mine would be one of the 175cc bikes and the older the better really. Sure I’d ride it but it would probably do more miles on a trailer. It would spend most of it’s life in the living room next to the other bike under this heading, looking beautiful. Outings would be to steam rallies alongside the CB100N.

Only one manufacturer makes an engine which is a thing of beauty. I would have to have a naked Ducati of some sort. It wouldn’t be for riding. In fact, I may even leave one side pristine and then cut up the other side to expose some of it’s inner beauty. Exactly which one I’m open to suggestions on.

Bike To Use Regularly

First up, Mine. I’m not going to get rid of my Wee! It would just get all those suspension upgrades I’m always wishing I could afford. I might put a full luggage system on as well. This would be the most used bike right through all four seasons. I’d put pure road touring tyres on it as well (in fact, that’s probably gonna happen anyway).

I’d like a CRF250. The rooftop chase in Skyfall was amazing and I really would like to have a go at off-roading one day. I’ve also spent a lot of my riding life on 250s so it would be wrong not to have one. This would probably get used just as a local run about as well as for light green-laning. Not so much with the roof to chases though. 

I would like a big tourer. I loved Dan’s RT but I like the idea of a modern boxer. We would want something super comfortable for good long trips two up. The R1200RT would make plenty of sense. I would probably use it two or three times a year. However, all my mates who ride would know it was available to them for when they want to go two up touring.

If we won today, Ang would probably want to keep her YBR125. Just maybe she would consider swapping it for a CBR125. Either way, we wouldn’t be without a bike suited to a pair of L plates. When Ang does get her full licence, she fancies a Triumph Street Triple. Actually, we can’t get rid of the YBR. We’ve already promised Mummy's red bike to Beth.

The final bike is a request from Beth. She wants a side car outfit so she can go with me on rideouts. Having followed redlegsrides as he explores snowy mountain roads aboard his Ural Patrol rig, I’m slightly taken with the idea. If it means I could share the pleasures of riding with my children while they are still young, I’d have one in a heart beat. While the Ural rigs are kin of cool, thanks to Wallace and Gromit, ours would probably be an Enfield Bullet with Watsonian Squire side car.

Of course, there would be a few other little bikes for the kids. A reasonable selection of electric bikes, crossers and mini-motos would be available for fun and frolics with friends.

With a garage like this, heated, clean, brightly lit with a good size screen playing all my favourite videos on a loop, hot tea and comfy seats, it would be a great place to just sit and be. When friends come round, they could choose one of mine or ride their own. It’s good to share. With ten of the above bikes available for road use, there'd be plenty to choose from. I’m not sure Kev would be tempted off his trusty CBR600F with a CB100N or even a shiny new CRF250 but you never know. The choice would be there. And, if it’s too wet get them to ride, we could just chill amongst the bikes, drink brews, natter and be.

So now I’ve got my wish list sorted out, I just need to wait for my numbers to come up, preferably after a few weeks of roll-over. Don’t worry though. I’m not holding my breath. Besides, I’m already a lucky man. Two of those bikes are in my garage and right now they are both running beautifully. Another is in my brother’s on the other side of the Atlantic, available if we want it.

The point is, there's no car in my dream garage. There would be some car. Probably a small some car for getting about and a bigger some car for getting more/bigger things about. The bigger some car would be for towing bikes mainly. They can live on the drive or stuck out on the road for all I care. Car just move stuff and people. Bikes move me. Bring on the Panda.

Not this one exactly but it looks a lot like it. Just some car to do the job. 

Getting to the Right Bike - A History and Outlook

I have lots of work to do. Really! As well as parent's evening and all the extra work that comes with one of them, we've got inspectors in next week. There are displays, marking planning and a whole plethora of other jobs that need doing way more than this post which is why, not only am I doing it, but I'm plagiarizing from my own work. 

You see, in an attempt to avoid working on things that need to be down, I thought I'd quickly check up on some other blogs I follow. Texas Rambler was at the top of the list with What Do You Ride? Well, with a title like that, I had no chance of getting any work don for quite some time. You really should read it and while you're there, track back through some of his older stuff to. It's all good. This particular one was brief thoughts on what makes the right bike for an individual. He points out  people often go though three bikes before they find the one that's right for them. The comments so far agreed and detailed the bikes that led them to their most recent. Naturally, I had to leave a comment and much of the following is that comment re-posted. For all I know that may be a flagrant infringement of blog etiquette but as I haven't Googled it just yet, I'm claimed the defense of ignorance. Here goes.

I didn't start out on bikes from and early age as many did. Other than my brother on the other side of the Atlantic, non of my family were into bikes. Until my mate Andy let me have a 'Quick bezz about' on his little CB125Dream, I'd never even considered it. That 'bezz' went further than Andy planned though. I absolutely loved it and from that moment on, I was hooked. Soon after, I went to Kosovo, came back with money and got my licence. My first bike was a CB100n which I wish I'd kept for nostalgic reasons. I used that to ride the 35 miles from barracks to my girl friend's place three or four days a week. The 35 miles back, in the dark with 6v head lights was good fun.

Then I went up to a Kawasaki GT550 shaft drive naked bike. Again, a fantastic bike that took me all over Germany. My girlfriend and I took it around the UK camping. Without protection, I do remember it being a cold place to be and something about my luck meant it was always raining in Northern Europe when I was in a rush to get back to camp. Still, I'd have that back for nostalgic reasons (and for the shaft drive). I only sold it because when I left the Army, I assumed I wouldn't be able to afford it. On that point, I was sadly wrong though not by much.

Following that there was a CG125 (my girl friend's really but I rode it more), 

an ER5,

a Hyosung GT250

and a YBR250. All soulless machines which wouldn't be required in richer times for nostalgic reasons. Well, maybe the CG. I do seem to have a soft spot for super reliable, woefully under powered bikes that cost almost nothing to run.

Now the same girlfriend who had me traipsing across Yorkshire is my wife. She has a YBR125 which I ride more than she does. I've got a DL650 VStrom which is the best bike I've ever owned (except the chain drive). I love it so much, I ride the 125 instead most days. Don't ask me to explain, just know that our roads are awful and the YBR125 gets >100mpgUK. My wife loves riding pillion on the Wee as well. That's been on two small tours already. I might even splash out on some hard luggage so we can sell the children and go on a longer tour eventually. It's stable, tall but not crazy tall, comfortable, cheep enough to run, well protected and the engine is a peach. Just now, the Wee is the perfect bike for Ang & I as well as a lovely treat for the commute now and then.

Like Texas Rambler, I occasionally get folk asking me about what bike they should get for their first. My answer is always pretty simple. 'I don't know and neither do you. The only thing I am pretty sure about is that you won't have it for long so don't spend too much money on it.' Any bike in a pinch is better than no bike after all. I've fond memories trips I've made on each and every bike I've owned, soulless or otherwise. However, the one machine I got really good value for money from was that little CB100n.‭ ‬I paid‭ ‬£50‭ ‬for it and can't remember buying anything but new oil every‭ ‬1000‭ ‬miles or so for two years.‭ ‬

Every time I've splashed out on something with warranty remaining,‭ ‬I've gotten rid of it within‭ ‬18‭ ‬months or so and been hit hard by depreciation.‭ ‬I bought Wee four years old with‭ ‬13k on the clock so hopefully I've found the right balance.‭ ‬Mind you,‭ ‬a year on,‭ ‬it is still my favourite bike ever and I can't see me getting rid of that until it's time to retire and buy an RT.

In conclusion,‭ ‬I don't imagine there is ever a perfect bike for any one person.‭ ‬It will doubtless depend on‭;

• Means‭ (‬for me,‭ ‬not great but not terrible‭)
• Build‭ (‬for me,‭ ‬average with a bit of extra gut‭)
• Purpose‭ (‬for me,‭ ‬rural commuting,‭ ‬two up or solo rideouts and short tours.‭)
• Aspirations‭ (‬for me,‭ ‬get out and ride to and through places,‭ ‬speed not an issue‭)
• Other stuff.‭ (‬for me,‭ ‬two cylinders in a V do something special to a bike‭)

Those factors will change with time.‭ ‬And the best bike I've ever owned,‭ ‬God willing,‭ ‬won't be one day.‭

Riding My Motorbike in the Snow Part 2

In which it goes more wrong. 

In my last blog post I told of how I decided to make my way up a moor on an unploughed moor road. If you haven’t read it and intend to read this, you really ought to read that first so give me a click. If you are like minded, it may mitigate the lunacy of what I will cover below.

You see, one Monday morning, a little after 5am atop a moor, I arrived at my turning. Adrenaline was still pumping following the rubber-side-up moment I’d had a few hundred meters previously. The road descended gently and should have been less of a challenge than where I’d come from though the snow was all fresh, no tracks to follow. Thinking back, from where I was, it was probably the best available route to ride back down off the moor anyway. I’m pretty sure that’s not what my prehistoric brain was thinking though. That just wanted to fight through and finish the job.

Things started just fine. The V-twin motor on the Vstrom allows you to make a pretty slow descent just letting it tick over. The front wheel seemed to meet plenty of resistance with the snow as well and that helped me control speed. It helped that the road was straight.

Then I came to a dreaded snow drift and ground to a halt, stalling the bike. Somehow, I also managed to slip as I put my foot down. Once again, I found myself lying in the road feeling an utter twit. In a strange way, it mattered less that time though. I was beginning to accept that falling off was not going to do much more damage than we had already sustained, especially as they were both dead slow or stationary drops.

The problem was, having again heaved the stricken bike to its feet, this time, it didn’t start. Crumbs! (I actually said something else but, you know how it is.) In fact, it was behaving like a Suzuki VStrom or SV does if you don’t pull the clutch to start it. Quite possibly it’s a Suzuki thing. 

I was going nowhere without help and that’s what I pay the AA for. However, before I called them, I wanted to be sure I wasn’t missing something. My former life as a Armoured Vehicle Mechanic (not an especially good one) had taught me that too many break downs are driver error. One particularly memorable event saw me called out in the wee small hours, driving a rover blacked out through rough and muddy ground (wasn’t much cop with that either) to a non-starter. In that case it was a Challenger (i). Exhausted and cold, I climbed into the drivers compartment, removed his helmet from the gear selectors, placed it in neutral, pushed the started and woke up the neighbourhood.

When I climbed out of the compartment the driver asked, “What was wrong with it?” As I recall, I didn’t say anything. Just threw his helmet at him and drove off. He knew just as well as I do, Chally won’t start in gear. Then again, I’ve since learnt you make mistakes in the cold dark hours.

(Another similar event was a Chally with no drive. When you removed some or all of the gash that the driver was carefully storing under the handbrake leaver, it went surprisingly well.)

Not wanting to count myself amongst the cavalrymen I’d come to disrespect, I began to run though the checks. Am I pulling the clutch in? Yep. Check for neutral. Yep, that’s there.  Kill switch? That’s fine. What then? Seat off, I checked the various cables. In the cold light of dawn, I couldn’t see anything that should stop it cranking so I’d little choice but to call for recovery.

At that point I felt like a thoughtless moron. Thanks to my little adventure, some poor patrol driver was being dispatched up a moor in the snow, no doubt pulling him away from many other category B (see previous post) people who just need a quick tug off their drive and a boost. Poor chap was doubtless going to have a busy day as it was. There was however, nothing to be done but make the call and get the bike to somewhere a bit safer.

Did I mention there were two falls? This final one is a real doozy. You see, the Wee’s v-twin motor makes descents a doddle. It’s brakes, which are pretty much just brakes, they aren’t so easy in the snow. When I had the bright idea of sitting on the bike to coast it a bit further down the hill to a gate I didn’t consider that I hadn’t an engine to coast with. I’m pretty fortunate that that was the last misjudgement of the day.

I tried desperately to prevent the build-up of speed that had me travelling faster than I had for miles but it was no use. The gateway past and speed built up. I prayed that I could just keep it upright until the dip in the road, perhaps 200m ahead.

It didn’t happen though. A snow drift and incompetence saw me sliding beside the bike as I’ve done so many times before but usually with a cheep plastic sledge. I’d hit the ground hard this time. The grinding noises as the bike ploughed through soft, pristine snow to the significantly more abrasive black top, they hurt to. This was just getting silly. I lifted it back up one last time, carefully pushed it to the side of the road and removed my helmet, beaten by the snow. As I did so, for the first time since the the car in the ditch, I saw another vehicle. The Landrover cruised to a halt. “Are you waiting for the AA?” I explained that I was and the bike wouldn’t start. “Well, I’ve just seen him back in the village. He can’t get through, even with chains on.”

Well that was great and frankly, fair enough. Sure I’d got the bike there but a Transit was another thing all together. It didn’t make much difference anyway. Having ridden two particularly unreliable bike the last few years, I’ve learnt that all too often the first thing they say when they arrive is, “I don’t know anything about bikes. You’ll have to wait for a recovery truck.” One of them wasn’t likely to get up there for perhaps a day. My predicament was starting to look really quite bad. A phone call to the AA confirmed that they would be sending a local firm and their 4x4 vehicle me. No ETA.

There I was, stuck on a hill. Having food, coffee and excellent cloths for the conditions, I was safe at least. For about 45 minutes I kept myself busy check twitter, listening to and audio book and building a snow man. Eventually the AA rang me with an ETA a mere two and a half hours away. “You won’t mind if I hitch a ride to Otley then I guess.”
“Yes, the driver will call you when he’s ten minutes away,” came the obviously stock reply.
That wasn‘t going to work but I need a cooked breakfast and a cuppa. “It’s gonna take me longer than that to hitch a ride back again. Can’t you ask him to pick me up on his way through Otley?”
Another stock reply. “That would be against our policy but I will ask him to call you as soon as he is on his way.” I figured that would work.

It did to. Within minutes of the call I was sitting in the back of a farmers pick-up forcing the dog to share with his wife. They kindly dropped me off at Dunnies in Otley, home of 30p tea and breakfast for less than 3 quid. It wasn’t anything like two and a half hours before the local 4x4 recovery driver called. The bribe of a cup of tea was enough to get picked up from the cafe. Thus fed, watered and with adrenaline at an all time low, things were moving. Unsurprisingly, the guy didn’t, “know anything about bikes.” Turned out that wouldn’t matter. All we need was a rope and some daylight.

That’s enough story for one night though. It’s not the end of the story though. In part three I’ll get to the mechanical bits. I’ll get to;

• The little, tiny, easily identified (in daylight) fault
• Being towed
• My awesome mechanic Alan at G.W. Johnson’s
• What I should learn from it all.
• Other stuff maybe.

Thanks for reading my post. Please leave a comment if you have time, just to let me know you were here and what you think, warts and all.